Umm I'm too high to move.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
