winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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