I should be sponsored by Trojan
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
