so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
