i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
