I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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