My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
