did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
