i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
