I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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