well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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