What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
