i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
