Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
