Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
