i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
