2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
