I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
