I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
