I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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