Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
