for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
