Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
