I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
