my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
