i need an iv and a liver transplant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
