And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize