just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
