I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
