I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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