He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
