I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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