i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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