Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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