just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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