Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
