I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
