so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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