remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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