I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
