I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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