she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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