I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
