is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
