i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
