when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize