I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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