if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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