I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
