8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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