just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize