Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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