nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
