Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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