don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
