ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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