omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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