Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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