Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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