You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
