You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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