fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
