I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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