he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
