he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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