im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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