Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
