i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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