He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
