I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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